Monday, August 23, 2010

Get in, put your seatbelt on. It's gunna be a bumpy ride.

I just need to let it all out.
Right here.
Right now.
I'm not ready.
I can't do this.
Someone help me.
I'm alone.

I feel like ...I'm on a roller coaster, that just won't stop. The ride is just speeding through, going upside down, twists and turns. Someone get me off this ride. I feel nauseous and dizzy. I'd rather feel this way. I'd rather feel like I wanna throw up instead of the very emotion I feel now. Denial. I refuse to let anyone in. I refuse to let anyone know how I'm truly feeling. I am heartbroken. It feels like someone has just ripped my heart out of my chest and tore it apart in a million pieces right in front of my face. It hurts. I'm aching.

To let everyone know ...my father is the person whom I am closest to. I've always been Daddy's Little Girl. I was the sparkle in his eyes, and he was the reason why I smiled so bright. He is my ultimate role model. I admire everything about him. He is the type of man who can walk into a crowded room and automatically get attention; just because of his vibrant personality. I love this man like no other. I sit here in this home. The home that my father worked so hard for. The home in which we both held the shovel and dug the first hole in order for our house to be built. I sit in this very home where we shared countless memories and holidays together. I sit in this home ...alone. I yell at the top of my lungs, and all I hear is my echo.

I miss my dad. I miss the fact that I can't give him a hug. I miss the fact that we can't make GIGANTIC pancakes together at 3 in the morning. I miss him being protective of his only daughter. I miss picking out his outfit for a big court date. I miss celebrating with him when he wins. I miss his love and support. I miss beating him at Madden. I miss everything. I remember getting mad at him every time he would discipline and yell at me. And now ..I wish he would be here to tell me to stop. Kris stop.

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